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As I relax on the sofa, with the oil radiator thawing out my frozen toes and a large glass of Glenfiddich in my hand, I reflect on an evening misspent.

A journey from the Norfolk coast to London, which should have taken around 3 hours, 2 trains and 1 tube, took around 6 hours, 4 trains, 1 bus and a very long tube. The root causes were A: rail replacement work by Network Rail and B: an unexpected overhead line fault somewhere near Chelmsford.

However, tonight will be remembered as a sample of both the best and the worst of British…

The worst of British:

• The 12-year old, foul-mouthed, lager-swilling chavs on 2 of my trains Rating:
• The delays themselves, and the god-awful coordination of the various workarounds – why they couldn’t have simply laid on a bus to London for the 90% of people following their tortuous route through the bowels of Essex…. Rating:
• The bitter, freezing cold as we waited on the platforms and at the side of the road Rating:

The best of British:

• A general sense of polite and determined resignation – a desire to get through it all despite the frequent and frustrating setbacks. I’ve experienced much less severe train delays on Italian railways where the train soon erupts into pandemonium… but no one threw a wobbly today Rating:
• Care for your fellow man (or woman) – one young lady, teetering on heels and laden down with paper bags, watched her day’s shopping fall to the floor as she squeezed onto the crammed double-decker… and those around her rallied to find alternative bags and to help her get on board, then later off the bus and up the steps at the station Rating:
• A quiet sense of duty – while the station and railway staff were, when it comes down to it, collectively responsible for the terrible communication and coordination which was the main irritant of the evening, many of them were staying, unpaid, many hours after their shifts ended to make sure the “punters” got home safely. Rating:

A note should also go out to the Australian girls sitting behind me on the bus, whose incessant commentary at the start of the journey was hilarious. Rating:

All of this said, despite the positive, life-affirming aspects of the day, my next trip to Norfolk will most-definitely be in a hire car. Trains: FAIL.

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